Christians must understand that we are not the judges of other people—their lives or their behavior. Certainly, we are called to be discerning and to avoid participating in sinful activities, but we are not the ones seated on God’s throne, passing judgment on others. That role belongs to God alone. Many Scriptures directly teach this truth:
Matthew 7:1-2 Judge not, that you be not judged. For with the judgment you pronounce you will be judged, and with the measure you use it will be measured to you.
Romans 14:10-12 Why do you pass judgment on your brother? Or you, why do you despise your brother? For we will all stand before the judgment seat of God; for it is written, ‘As I live, says the Lord, every knee shall bow to me, and every tongue shall confess to God.’ So then each of us will give an account of himself to God.
James 4:11-12 Do not speak evil against one another, brothers. The one who speaks against a brother or judges his brother, speaks evil against the law and judges the law. But if you judge the law, you are not a doer of the law but a judge. There is only one lawgiver and judge, he who is able to save and to destroy. But who are you to judge your neighbor?
1 Corinthians 4:5 Therefore do not pronounce judgment before the time, before the Lord comes, who will bring to light the things now hidden in darkness and will disclose the purposes of the heart. Then each one will receive his commendation from God.”
Luke 6:37 Judge not, and you will not be judged; condemn not, and you will not be condemned; forgive, and you will be forgiven.
That last verse adds a prohibition against condemnation. Not only are we to avoid sitting in judgment over others, but we are explicitly forbidden from condemning them. This often happens when people shout (or whisper), “Go to hell!” or utter a similar curse upon another person.
Much of the angst and stress we endure in our bodies and minds results from constantly judging and condemning others. A Christian Philosophy of Relationship refuses to do this. Just let God be the Judge—he is the only one we need.
Another problem that plagues our relationships is the desire for revenge. CPR says, “No vengeance.” Do not allow yourself to seek retribution when someone wrongs you. Instead, forgive and let it go.
Romans 12:19 Beloved, never avenge yourselves, but leave it to the wrath of God, for it is written, "Vengeance is mine, I will repay, says the Lord."
Proverbs 20:22 Do not say, "I will repay evil"; wait for the Lord, and he will deliver you.
CPR Principle #8 also confronts our tendency to control other people. This issue causes massive destruction in many of our relationships. It essentially operates on the mindset: We’re good with each other as long as you act exactly as I want you to.
Parents especially struggle with this in their relationship with their children. Trusting God with people is difficult—we often want to be God to them, forcing them into the behavioral mold we demand. Of course, we should desire for people (especially our kids) to do what is right, but the truth is, if they do not want to, they won’t. And the more we try to control them, the more they rebel and distance themselves from us.
Peter instructed elders to avoid being overbearing and over-controlling in other's lives: “Not domineering over those in your charge, but being examples to the flock” (1 Peter 5:3). This verse is directed at church leaders, but the principle applies broadly—true influence comes through example and gentle teaching, not coercion.
Instead of responding with judgment, condemnation, vengeance, and control, Christians must show overflowing mercy to others as fellow sinners. You are no better than the people you are judging. Jesus taught this when he said:
“Why do you see the speck that is in your brother’s eye, but do not notice the log that is in your own eye? Or how can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’ when there is the log in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the log out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to take the speck out of your brother’s eye.” (Matthew 7:3–5)
Because we are no better, we should extend mercy. People are flawed and sinful, and they will inevitably hurt us—sometimes intentionally, sometimes unintentionally. When that happens, we have a choice: we can strike back and make everyone miserable, or we can show mercy, forgive, and seek to uplift and encourage even those who have wronged us.
What sets a Christian Philosophy of Relationship apart from the world’s approach is the willingness to forgo judgment, condemnation, and vengeance and choose mercy instead.